Memories...

Sitting here with tear stained eyes and wondering why there are days when God feels so far away.

After a year of serving in a ministry that we love; but in the hardest area of the world we have ever lived in; there are days when I wish I could blink and wake up back in my cozy North Carolina bed. Alas, when I blinked this time, all I saw was more falling snow and the pile of papers that I still have left to get done for work. Life is so different now than it was a year ago and there are times when I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.

But then...

Then, I am blessed with memories of days gone by. Memories of a time in our life when the road didn't always seem clear but the "Guide" seemed to know exactly where He was going all along.

As I read through my old blogs (yes, from back in the day when I used to blog - sigh), I found this "memory". Thank you Lord for memories...tonight it is carrying me through.

Written December 3, 2009

"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."
Anonymous

I have repeated this phrase in my mind countless times over the past few days.

Donn's official last day at church was on Sunday and he was scheduled to leave town to go ahead of us to NY on Tuesday morning. About 3 hours after he drove away, he called me and said that his transmission had gone on his old truck. We then spent the remainder of the day watching God provide...

First He provided for Donn's truck to be towed back to Charlotte.

Next he provided for a group of people to come beside us to pay for the new transmission in the truck.

Finally, he provided plane tickets so that Donn can still fly to NY to be at an interview which he had previously scheduled (which he would have missed because of the truck still being in the shop).

Many people have responded to the incidents of the past few months (like the house sale falling through and the truck breaking down) by asking us if God is saying that we should be staying in NC. Although we've asked ourselves those same questions; I can honestly say that our spirits tell us that these trials are from Satan. God is still at work even in the midst of what seems to the world as a disappointment.

In our hearts we know that God has called us to this new ministry. Every part of our being tells us that these trials are a direct result of the fact that Satan is trying his hardest to beat down our spirits and keep us from getting to NY.

On the flip side; God is shining brightly as He provides for us in countless ways such as car repairs and plane tickets.

And so I remeber the quote that I shared with you earlier:
"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God won't protect you."

Today we pray simple prayers. "Lord, let your will be done and let us remain in the center of it. Protect our family...protect our spirits, and guide us down this path."

Faith is not supposed to be easy. I sure wish it could be, but in my heart I know that easy faith is no faith at all.

"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."

Amen.

My Prince...

This picture arrived in our "inbox" today. Our sweet boy so far away...God gave me a little piece of you today. At just the right moment...at just the right time, He sent me a picture that reminded me that He is in control of everything.

These last few weeks have been a rollercoaster. We've been told that if we can get our paperwork filed now, there is a slight chance that we may actually get you home. A "slight" chance doesn't sound all that promising, and yet, a "slight" chance is worlds ahead of where things have been for the past 2 years.

And so we work feverishly. We file paperwork, visit doctors, get passports...we do everything... And then we wait...

We wait to see, if by some miracle, God will bring you home to us.

I must admit that I've been upset with myself over the past few weeks. Sometimes, I have the faith that God is going to provide and that you will come home to us. Many other times I've let fear creep in and I've sat on my floor crying and wondering if I will get through all of this and then lose you again.

I'm not sure how I can go through that again.

Saying goodbye to you the first time was the hardest thing I have ever done. Watching your face as our car drove away, will forever be etched in my brain as one of the worst images I've ever seen.

I'm scared Prince. For almost 2 years, I have dreamed of one day holding you again. And yet; now that it's here, I'm so scared that my heart will be broken again if I can't be with you.

And yet, this is what faith is...it's not always knowing how things will end up, but trusting in the ONE who does know.

I'm praying for faith now. I'm praying I will trust God to provide and I'm praying that He will let me put my entire heart into this moment; even if it means having to let go again.

You are worth it Prince and your life will be a testimony to his abundant blessings my sweet boy.

Thanks for teaching Mommy to have more faith.

Love,
Mommy