Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Allowing God To Reinvent Me...

Sometimes I feel like I've lost it...

Like it's a part of my being that I said goodbye to so long ago.

The things that used to come so easily to me, now seem buried so deep inside my soul that I'm not sure where to look to even dust them off. 

The truth is...I think I'm just scared to begin.

I used to have a simple life that I took for granted.  I spent my mornings at story hour with my kiddos or leading women's ministry at my church.  I created peanut butter and jelly lunch masterpieces and tucked my little ones away to nap land while I retreated to the world I had grown to love.

The world where I could express my soul.

The world where my words seemed to make sense of life and

The world where I felt like me.

I'm amazed when I look at the last time I wrote on this blog...over a year and a half ago.

Life has changed so much since the days of PB&J and blog posts that seemed to make sense...

Our home has moved

Our ministry life has taken on mach 5 speed

Our family has grown

Our roles have changed.

The days of playdates and new recipes were replaced with budget meetings, conference calls, PTA leading and fitting in the ministry that I loved around everything else.  The more my life took on this new role, the more the old Cyndie screamed to make sense of it.

Where am I?  Where is the crazy, stupid writer and speaker who made light of life's disappointments and took pictures of God's amazing provisions?

Well, it's time for some changes to take place.

I may not be able to control our circumstances or the way in which God has chosen to provide for our family so that we can serve Him in ministry...

I may not be able to control the way it feels to miss one of my precious kiddo's school events because I have a meeting I can't reschedule...

And, I may not be able to sneak away mid-afternoon to sip a coffee and script a bit of my heart on a page...

BUT, I can do something.

I can shed the fears and embrace the fact that life is no longer what it was. 

In all honesty, life is better. 

It's harder, It's chaotic, It's much more messy, It's tear filled, It's not always exactly how I would have planned it;

BUT, it's the center of God's Will.

And so, I am shedding the fears.  I will no longer give into the fear that God has taken away my gift of writing.  I will no longer worry if I can't post thoughts every day.  I will no longer allow Satan to deprive me of who God has made me to be. 

I am Cyndie.  I am a Wife.  I am a Mommy.  I am a Business Woman.   I am a Christ Follower and I am a Writer.

Today, I am allowing God to reinvent me.  No fears...both feet jumping right in...

It may not be the way it used to be...

but maybe...

just maybe...

It will be even better!

1 comment:

Hannah said...

Well put. God will bless you for your faithfulness. I pray that no matter where God has me I will be content and following what God has for me. Love you!