When I know I should trust...

What do you do when you know you should trust...

You know you have to trust...

You know you want to trust...

BUT you're really struggling with the reality of it??

Those are the questions perplexing me at the moment...

Since the house sale has fallen through we have been thrown into a spin of re-listing the house, re-cleaning the house, re-budgeting and reevaluating the plans we thought had been set.

Donn resigns at church as of November 29th so we are now having to seriously look at the possibility that we could in fact be unemployed and yet still have a house payment to make.

That's a scary place to be when you have been in ministry your entire life and "savings" are not something that you've amassed a great wealth of.

At the same time, because the man who backed out of our house contract had an inspection done, we're now aware of some of the "problems" that came up with the house.

Unfortunately, being aware of them means that we now have to either disclose them to any potential buyers or we need to fix them immediately. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the inspection turned up some bad siding so we are now having to re-side 2 major portions of the house this weekend. Luckily I have a studly hubbie and some good buddies who can do that sort of thing, but obviously every dime spent right now means even less to carry us through when the paychecks stop coming.

And so I sit.

I sit and pray a lot...

I sit and beg God to fill me with the peace that He gave me the day this all first happened, and I sit and remind myself that we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this move is ordained by God.

There are no doubts in our minds. God told us two specific things:
1) That we are to move to NY to start a much needed ministry in a very dark area and
2) That the end of November was the time for Donn to resign from church.

That is what we've known all along.

This was all part of God's plan. It's just my heart and head that need a bit of adjustment time as the weight of it all sinks in.

And yet I've been reminded in many ways today that God is not worried a bit about the things of this world. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He has a perfect buyer set for our home...He could still choose to sell it before the end of November if He wants to.

HE KNOWS.

And again I find comfort in that fact.

He's already walked this path...He knows the rocks and valleys that lie in the way and He's making the way clear even as we speak. It doesn't mean that we won't have to climb over some boulders or pass through rough waters as we walk this path - it simply means that we will come out on the other side exactly as He has planned.

And again I remind myself that in these times when I know I should have faith; I may need to just crawl up in my Father's arms and beg for Him to give me the faith to trust and believe in His plan.

Amen.